Six Years Later

Yesterday was Seth's 6th birthday. As I wished him Happy Birthday as he climbed into bed with us that morning, I hugged him. And as I did a wave of emotion suddenly engulfed me and it was all I could do not to cry.

Six short years have gone by and during that time Seth has undergone fifteen or so treatments. His birthmark has faded significantly although it comes back after long periods of no treatments.

He had a treatment in September. Shortly after school started. I was a little apprehensive about how the other kids would react to the spots of the treatment. I talked to Seth before he went back to school and told him to tell a teacher if anyone said anything that hurt him or made him sad. After he got home he told me he had a happy day. He climbed into my lap and we snuggled. After a couple of minutes he told me that a boy had asked him why he had spots on his face. I asked him what he said. Seth said he didn't say anything he just turned around and walked away. He then looked at me and said "Mommy, why do I have spots on my face?" Right then it dawned on me that I had been so preoccupied with making sure that the other students understood why Seth has spots on his face that I forgot to explain it to Seth. I also realized that he probably had no clue what he looked like to other people. I pray that he could always have that innocence. Even though I know it can't be.

My heart aches for him today. I was standing in the shower & suddenly I started sobbing. My body shook & I fell to the floor of the tub. Begging God to keep his life full of love.

I am so used to seeing Seth with his birthmark that I don't even notice it. But I see how other people look at him & hear the remarks. Mostly innocent ones. I know that he doesn't hear them or have any idea what they mean by them. But they cut me like a knife.

I want to protect him forever. To steal him away so that one one can ever hurt him. So that one day when he does understand the remarks, he is not there to hear them.

But I know this can't be so.

His birthday brings back all the emotions. That first night in the hospital after he was born. Sobbing in bed by myself holding him tightly. Wondering what I had done wrong. The nurses and visitors noticing but not wanting to say anything. The barrage of questions we all had. But most of all "Why?"

I ask God that ever so often. Why? Why him? What plan could you possible have in store for him, that is so important that you have to mark him? Why must my child live with the stares, glances and remarks?

I can't begin to understand. I hope that someday God reveals his plan to me. I hope it is worth it.

I'm Not the Only One!

My Son, Still weird

Remember earlier in the year when I wrote this about my son, Seth, being weird. Well the story continues. Only now he has moved on from time and is currently obsessed with dates, calendars, years & directions. Let me share a few examples with you.

A few weeks ago Seth was invited to a birthday party for one of his little friends from school. He was very excited and when I told him the party was on November 27th he quickly responds with, "November 27th, that's a Tuesday. We are having footlong hotdogs for lunch." Very matter of fact. As if the school lunch menu was right in front of him. (Did I mention he is also obsessed with the school lunch menu?)

Saturday the boys were at my parent's house. They were looking at a map of Ohio & Seth was looking at it upside down. He looks at the map & blurts out "West is that way." Pointing in the correct direction. Whenever we are in a car Seth keeps constant tabs on which direction we are going. Which direction Columbus is, as well as Cincinnati, Dayton, & all the other streets and cities that appear on the road signs around here. Did I mention yet that he is not quite 6?

But the one that amazed me the most happened last night as we were eating dinner. Seth will try just about anything to keep from eating dinner. Last night he was counting to himself to avoid eating. He stops sometime after 17 and says "December 21, 2008 is going to be on a Sunday." I kinda laughed thinking yeah right. Then I got curious & got up to look at the calendar. HE WAS RIGHT! This year it is on a Friday & since next year is a leap year it will be on a Sunday! Lucky guess right! So he tells me another one. "December 31, 2008 will be on a Wednesday. " Again, Right! Then this one really gets me! "January 1, 2009 will be on a Thursday just like November 1, 2007 was on a Thursday! I mean who knows this stuff & how is he figuring this out!

I quickly called my parents to share my amazement with them. My Dad replied by asking if he can do Lotto numbers. I plan on finding out! I may be the next power ball winner! LOL!

It's Merry CHRISTMAS!

I need to vent. I am sure most of you noticed the obvious exclusion of Merry Christmas last year with the replacement of the very generic Holiday. It has continued this year with more companies jumping on the band wagon. This just burns me up inside. I got the Pottery Barn Kids catalog yesterday & was flipping through it. When I noticed a strange saying not only on the front of the catalog but on almost every page. "Holiday is ..." and then they would show some classic Christmas scene or gift that everyone knows is really about Christmas. And then to hear the Lowes is selling "Family Trees" instead of Christmas Trees. When I turn on the T.V. I am bombarded by adds for the "Holiday". What kind of generic name is that?

Whatever (excuse my language & cover the eyes of little ones if necessary) a**hole decided that it would be o.k to strip Christmas of Christmas and just call it Holiday, needs to be shot! They say it is all about including everyone. We don't want anyone to get their feelings hurt, waah, waah, waah. What a bunch of whining, conniving, liberals. Don't believe for one second that that is why Christmas has been dropped from just about every advertisement, media story & greeting.

You see it's not about including everyone else. It is about excluding CHRIST! That's right I said it. EXCLUDING CHRIST! God forbid should we have a day to celebrate the birth of our Christ! I for one am tired of hearing the word "Holiday" and will scream from the top of my lungs "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Should someone say "Happy Holiday" to me. So lets not sit idly by while a few people decided that Christmas shouldn't be a part of Christmas anymore. Let your voice be heard! It's Merry Christmas to all!

I've been featured!

A few weeks ago I was contacted by Babble regarding my Madelyn Button Socks. They wanted to feature them in their Christmas gift guide. I of course said "Yes!!!" So here they are! Featured in the Babble Stocking Stuffer category! Check it out & remember that each pair is completely customizable! Merry Christmas!

Christmas Tree Hunting!

I love hunting down the perfect Christmas tree! It is one of my favorite things about Christmas. There is a Christmas tree farm not too far from our house that we go to every year. The kids love it because they have a family of donkeys & they too love the hunt for the elusive perfect tree!

My husband HATES this tradition. He would much rather "Go to the Dark side" and buy a FAKE tree. I would never let a fake tree in my house! Since Duane hates tree hunting so much he usually stays home and the kids & I take to the tree farm with my parents & nieces & nephews who are also searching for the perfect tree. This year I was unable to go when everyone else could go so the kids & I had to go by ourselves. I did manage to drag Duane along. He came grudgingly.

I forgot my camera though. I was so mad! Taking pictures of the kids in the old cabin and searching for the tree is just as much a part of the tradition as cutting the tree down.

As we stepped into the grove of trees I saw it! The perfect tree! My husband was elated that we had found it right away. He was ready to go before we even got there. The elation soon drained as I decided that it was too short. I proceeded to walk the entire length of the grove as Duane lagged behind pulling all 3 kids in the tree wagon. As I got to the back of the grove I realized that the first tree I saw was in fact the perfect tree. Duane was not pleased that he now had to walk all the way back to the very first tree that we saw. Don't tell him but this was my plan all along!

I got down on the ground & started sawing away. (Duane hates to cut the tree even more than he hates searching for it) I got about halfway through the trunk when the saw just stopped. Elijah wanted a turn but he too got stuck. So Duane had to get down on the ground and finish the trunk. Hee Hee it was priceless! Not only did Duane have to go on the tree hunt with us but he also had to walk most of the length of the grove pulling three kids and he had to get down on the ground and help cut! Now do you see why I was so mad that I forgot my camera! Merry Christmas My Dear!